She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
