I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
