So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
