Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
