end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
