3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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