bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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