Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit