Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.