Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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