she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
