I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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