her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
