He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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