Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The best revenge is premature balding
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
