That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
