I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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