I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
