your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
