I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize