please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
