if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
