This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
