Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize