At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
