Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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