I just pynch a tree in the face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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