the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
