they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
