I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
