i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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