Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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