Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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