halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
