based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.