Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.