How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
