I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
home. puking in laundry basket.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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