For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals