Tell her she can't have a vagina
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?