Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner