White coat. Heels.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.