Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
