nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
