yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
