I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
