Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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