If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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