I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
