I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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