ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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