I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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