Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
