Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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