Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
