upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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