Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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