i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
