im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
