I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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