You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
