my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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