My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
