I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
